Remember back when the Sox started the season 2-10 and all those arrogant fucks that call themselves Yankees fans used to say "Sox are looking real good, huh?" and "They're done". And then you would read the blogs saying should we be worried and forums of unloyal fans throwing in the towel. Well fuck that noise. Those people have no understanding of the game. 162 games. The longest season out of any sport. You could lose your first 15 games and it still wouldn't be crazy to make the playoffs (does not apply for AL East teams). The season is so long, so much is going on, the best team will be on top at the end of the season.
PS: Saltalamacchia, you can open your eyes now champ.
What the fuck is good with finals. You have 4 or 5 finals in a span of 4 or 5 days. You basically stay up all night looking at the same bullshit over and over pretending to learn it or care. And when you get the final, it doesn't matter how long or hard you studied, there's always one section worth more points than the others that you just plain didn't study. You got to remember little details like sargassums and control processes and current value formulas. And finals week always happens to be like the best fuckin week of the year. 85 and sunny, the SI Swimsuit girls are having a bakesale down the street, the liquor store is giving away kegs just for their own shits and giggles. But noooo, your stuck inside forcing yourself to pretend to care about bullshit that you will probably retain for the next 24 hours. Probably the worst week of the year. And then when your done, don't forget that they kick you right the fuck out. Like bro, I can't get one week here where I can just funnel Jaeger and be balls deep in some willing and mediocre freshman bitties and not having to worry about getting to that fucking 11 o'clock class that has mandatory attendance?
And then when you are leaving, it's always awkward as fuck. Who do you say bye to? Do you say bye to your tutor who got you through Stats but had that funny smell to him but at the same time could be useful in the future? Do you say bye to the quiet kid who lives next door who guest passed you into lunch a couple times? Its like fuck. I could never be seeing some of these people ever again, but do I give a fuck? Probably not. So fuck goodbyes. And fuck finals week.
I know what you're all thinking right now... "holy shit James where the fuck have you been?". Yeah yeah yeah Wesley has been all over my ass, no homo, for however long its been to write another post and I'll tell you what I told him. Lick my taint I'm not forcing a blog post about bullshit. Guess what though I'm back now and I'm back with amotherfuckinvengeance, yeah that's right making up new words and shit.
Alright so lets get down to the reason while I'm really here. For centuries the question of Who Is the Biggest Bro of All-Time? has been debated by anyone and everyone. If you've ever used the word bro then you've had this debate, fact. Well I'm here with the answer and its plain and simple, clear as crystal, black and white. John Mayer is the one and only answer for about 97.3 trillion reasons only a few of which I have the time to write about.
First of all, have you ever heard the guy play guitar? Dude is probably the single greatest guitarist of all time. Ask anyone the one talent they wish they had and I guarantee other than being able to dunk a basketball the majority of men who listen to music will respond, play the guitar. You don't win 7 Grammies by accident I mean c'mon dude is probably the best singer song writer of the last thirty years as well. Music is perfect for all occasions, you're trying to bro out? oh throw on some Mayer, you're trying to get your dick wet? oh throw on some Mayer. The fact is once he picks up a guitar there is a local flood warning, every girl who sees him sing or play instantly becomes puddle pants. If you're not a fan of his music, fuck you, you're dumb its that simple. However, all his musical talents and successes aside he has gotten his dick wet from some of the hottest women walking the planet. Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Jessica Simpson (when she was a smoke), Minka Kelly, Jennifer Aniston and Taylor Swift. That's probably one of the single best celebrity smoke lists ever put together by a single human being and hes been inside all of them there is no doubt about it and those are just the notable celebrities he has been with. I mean normal everyday groupies who aren't making movies and what not I'd estimates he has probably slayed like 453 easy. I mean anyway you look at it he's the fuckin man there is no doubt about it. It's like the old saying men want to be him and women want to sit on his face, or something like that
P.S. How many computers do you think I ruined with that picture up top. I mean any female who looked at it probably got all hot and bothered and went wet all over her computer. Mayer is a walking pussy flood warning, look it up its in the encyclopedia.
After a huge controversial draft for Bill theres a lotta fans wondering what he was doing. Bellichick had a lot of quesitonable picks but Ryan Mallett was by far the most talked about. He's taken some heat and I don't know why. How can you not like this guy? Hes got hero written all over him. Just an absolute thug. Hes gunna learn behind Brady for atleast 3 years and just pound girls in Boston. Hes got a big time arm taboot. So all you Brady haters out there coming at his long hair, model lifestyle and gay dancing, have no fear because "Big Dick" Malletts here to stay.
What the fuck just happened? "it is also the time when all the losers and ugly girls think it's approipriate to join together and play 5 year old GAYmes in the middle of campus"? Whats up dude? Cause I'm pretty sure thats the opposite of what happens. Spring weekend to me is defined by bitches in yellow sun dresses, brolific bro's play cornhole, crushin Buschy Latte's and some Keith. To be honest I'm borderline hammered typin this bad boy up right now. Me, Jimmy Peterson, Slam Sandwich, and Fanny Almonte were just grillin with half the campus. Bitties on bitties. The people are confused! But don't worry all, Gheorge Muresan is here to set the record straight: GET THE FUCK OUTSIDE AND PLAY KANJAM. If your not playin lawn games while the suns out then your not gettin better, end of story.
PS: Girls get all hot and bothered when they see a great cornhole player.
Double PS: Barry Latham loves Beantown and Coronas. We have witnesses.
There comes a time during the school year when the weather gets warmer, the sun gets brighter, and the girls get hotter. Spring. Weekend. But, as awesome as spring weekend is and how cool it is that it's when all the smuts finally come back to school, it is also the time when all the losers and ugly girls think it's appropriate to join together and play 5 year old GAYmes in the middle of campus. Simply put, if you are outside frolicking in the sun before 4 pm then you are either a member of greek life or a loser, but I guess in both cases you are a loser anyways. Before 4 you should be inside drinking some beers, playing sports video games that are based outside and getting blowjenskis (unless you're a girl, then you should be giving them). And what the hell is this stupid frisbee game I've been seeing for the past week? Literally every time I look out my window some scrubs are throwing the frisbee at a trash can 10 feet away from them... AND MISSING! I could make that shot with my dick and I can barely throw a frisbee. It is by far the lamest thing I have seen all school year, worse then the Bryant News channel and Bryant Albert Einstein. Oh sick dude, let's wear cargo shorts, training shoes with no midcalfs, a band shirt and have a couple 3s watch while we attempt to be cool. Anyways, it's Spring Weekend here at Bro U so consider this weekend our vacation. See you hhhents in a few...
Well it's finally here guys. The biggest week of the year at Bryant. SPRING WEEK. Grab a basketball jersey, a red cup, and some shades. People going out every night of the week and people day drinking is the perfect medicine for disaster. If there aren't 20 people transported this week then I'm a pussy. Just literal pandemonium this weekend. DPS isnt stopping anyone this week. They just can't handle it. No one has any work to do and has plenty of booze. Buckle up and be a fuckin hero this week.
"People see dark faces out there, and the perception is that they're African-American. They're not us. They're impostors. Even people I know come up and say: 'Hey, what color isVladimir Guerrero? Is he a black player?' I say, 'Come on, he's Dominican. He's not black.' As African-American players, we have a theory that baseball can go get an imitator and pass them off as us. It's like they had to get some kind of dark faces, so they go to the Dominican or Venezuela because you can get them cheaper. It's like, 'Why should I get this kid from the South Side of Chicago and have Scott Boras represent him and pay him $5 million when you can get a Dominican guy for a bag of chips?' ... I'm telling you, it's sad."
A new segment Gheorge Muresan will be bringing you on IATT will be called Quote of the Week. And while I know this quote from Hunter is over a year old, I thought it was only fitting to make the inaugural quote of the week from the best wall-climber in baseball.
Now onto the quote. First of all, is there any way we can get Torii Hunter on this blog? Because if you read between the lines, you can see there is a great blogger fighting to get out. I mean the Dominican's going rate is a bag of chips? I mean this would have been comparable to MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech had he only specified what kind. Sun Chips? Lays? Because everybody knows there is a massive difference between Fritos BBQ Twists and Shaws-brand Salt and Vinegar. But seriously, though, Hunter has a point here. I hate when Albinos step on the field and people automatically assume they're Irish. Agents picking them up for a stick of beef jerky instead of picking up a talented potato farmer and paying them the $5 M they deserve. They're imposters I tell ya, imposters!
Brandon was rushed to the hospital today and had surgery performed because his wife stabbed him. Some easter weekend huh? I think the best part about this story is that he said he fell on some glass. What a hero. The bitch puts him in the hospital and he lies to cover it up. Just kinda lying through his teeth so he wont have to file some papers. Brandon Marshall, your OK in my book. Snitches get Stitches.
Here's the situation: me and Poppa Muresan are currently sharing some brews watching the Celts and Knicks in the playoffs. I'm really trying to enjoy the game, but I find myself not being able to enjoy it as if I were watching it with a couple of my buddies. And the big reason is because one of the great parts of watching a big game with friends is because everybody is getting rowdy and screaming obscenities at that bitch Carmelo. So what I want to know is if this game comes down to the wire and a call doesnt go our way, can I drop a "Mother Fucker!" right in my dad's eyeball and have him understand? I mean were not even talking about the regular season, we talkin about playoffs. And if its not okay how long must I wait? Because you know its going to be a great day when I finally can call the ref a cunt-snatch and have pop be cool with it. One step above graduation day, one step below my first blowjob. I mean is there like a timeline for this stuff. Wheres the green light? I guess I gotta try it tonight and see how it goes. Wish me luck because if this doesn't go the way I plan then I could be looking at a lot less Bulldog Bucks next year.
So basically according to this article Snooki's been hitting the gym hard the past couple of months and is now "slim". The pic on the left is the before and the pic on the right is the after. So I pose this question: Are you trying to smash the new and improved snooks? I mean its all fun and games when snooki's a beefcake to write her off. " Awww man shes gross. Her face is iight, but shes fat" . But now shes got a hard body? C'mon man. I think shes fair game as long as shes "slim" . Her face has always been pretty nice and shes got phenominal skin tone. Thats tough to pass up. I aint saying shes a hottie overload but she looks pretty hot now. I'l probably be hard at Karma this summer looking for Snookie a little soft from the SoCo. And thats kinda the beauty of it, she was a beefcake so her standards are kinda low. Shes not like a normal celebrity where she'd be impossible to smash. So you heard it here 1st fellas, Snooks is now smushable. Good Luck to all of yall on the chase!
Huffington Post: "Dustin Zito of "Real World: Las Vegas" is straight. That's no secret. What is, however, is his gay porn past. The 24-year old Louisiana native comes from a rough background, and to escape, he headed to Los Angeles. There, he got involved a website called FratPad, which used streaming video cameras to document attractive young men living together. And often times, do much more than just hang out.It's a secret he's thus far kept from his roommates, and in Wednesday's premiere episode, he even hooked up with a (female) cast member named Heather."
Well everybody. I told you. Its that simple, I fucking told you. If you watched the real world last night you saw the preview for next weeks episode in which Dustin pretty much comes out of the closet. Wait a second, hes not gay? He just did gay porn? Nice try Zito, you almost got me there. Actually on second thought you didn't, because you dont do gay porn and still say your straight because that's not real life. I call it how I see it and I saw a homo, and what do you know? The guy is a homo. To all you jerks who had his back saying "Dude Dustin fucks Heather, he's the man, he's so cool". In. Your. Face. Call him bi-sexual if you want, but ill leave you with this. Half homo, full homo.
So gents and sluts, I was thinking today, how fucking drunk do I or one of my bros have to be to get transported. I thought about it for about 2 seconds and came up with the obvious answer. I'll die of alcohol poisoning before I let myself get taken out in a fucking stretcher and put in the back of an ambulance. Like seriously, thats got to be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to someone ever, not to mention it cost about 3 bagillion dollars in ambulance fees or whatever. How big of a piece of shit do you feel getting taken out on a stretcher? especially since you know there are gonna be around 8-12 shitheads standing by to see what ass hole couldn't handle their liquor (rightfully so). Therefore, if iam puking jager and blood, stick my head in the toilet and drown me, no way on earth are you getting me in the back of an ambulance. On the other side of the spectrum, how drunk does your bro have to be for you to muster up the courage to call dps and get him transported? Here is where it gets tricky, cause if something really bad ends up happening to the kid, its kinda on you. My opinion still does not change. You could beg and plead to me while your puking your brains out that you want me to call your mommy or get an RA, but you know what? No. Because tomorrow when your sippin some gingerale and munchin saltines your gonna say to me, "bro, why the fuck did you get me transported? i was fine, i just had a little fever" So guess what, the answer is simple, no bro should ever get transported, ever. In the case of a smut, the first sign of them puking, ill press 1 on my speed dial and have dps there in a snap of the finger to take them to the nearest hospital. Unless ofcourse they are conscious, in which you then just take advantage of them.
So the other day I was cleaning out miscellaneous crap from my bedroom and came across some college stuff. Just old recruiting brochures and other bullshit. Came across a few paper applications and made me think that the questions colleges ask are a terrible gauge of how qualified a student is for a college. What would George Muresan University's application look like you ask? Have no fear. This is exactly the questions would look like and specific answers that we're looking for:
George Muresan University Application 2011
Race (Always good to get this one right out of the way.)
Name
State of Birth (All acceptable except New York, New Jersey, and New Mexico. No fistpumping or illegals here.)
Have you ever seen an attractive female with short hair besides Halle Berry? (If yes, denied. No taste.)
Whats the best type of beer? (Keystone Light, Busch Lattes, Coors, Miller, Bud. Buy American or go home.)
40 time? (Anything higher than 5, denied. This is a university of training athletes.)
It is? (What it is. School motto.)
Kanye or Weezy? (Diversity.)
Last time you drank? (If not in the past 48 hours, forget it.)
Your buddy is passed out, face hanging in the toilet. You a.) tell an RA and transport your buddy so that he is safe or b.) Write on his face and steal his good food? (Obvious one.)
Words to live by? (Cashing checks and snapping necks. Anything of this sort works.)
You have an exam tomorrow. Do you spend all night in the library busting your ass studying all night or get drunk, stay up all night pounding KeithStones, head into your exam housed and banking on sitting next to a buddy that'll help you out. (GMU doesn't even have a library. The thirties are on us on nights like this.)
For girls only:
Have you ever been featured as a smokeshow of the day? (If yes, yes. If no, forget about it. A real deal breaker here.)
If you answered yes to the question above, do you know your way around the dick and will you fuck your professor for an A? (Not looking for no softies here.)
Essay:
Drunkest experience. Go.
And thats it. If you think you can make it, submit your application to Hall 11, room 141.
So I was strolling to class today walking behind some bro when I noticed that he was looking at his iPod, occasionally stolling off the path onto geese shit infested grass. It wasn't until I heard him literally laugh out loud that I realized he was watching a movie....ON THE FUCKING TWO MINUTE WALK TO CLASS. The best part about it was that he was positively certain that it was the coolest thing to do. Like occasionally looking up to see if anybody he knew was walking the opposite way so he could let out a little chuckle when they got close. Just so they would know that he had uploaded Star Wars IV onto his pod. Whatever the movie was, the bastard was fucking loving it, letting out numerous chuckles. By the time we got into the unistructure I was pretty much craning my fucking neck to find out what all the hilariousness was about. Goddam characters watching movies on the way to class, get the fuck off my campus.
You see that little black heart thing Shenae Grimes has under her eye? Apparently it is a temporary tattoo she has had for the past few weeks or something and it's supposed to represent how much she cares for Japan right now. Bullshit. Who does she think she is walking around thinking she's thoughtful by getting a TEMPORARY tattoo of a miniature heart under her eye? This is the real deal: celebrities say they are doing something out of the ordinary for a cause, but in reality it does nothing to help anyone or anything except their own image. How about you take your C list celebrity money and actually give it to Japan instead of making a fashion statement and saying it means you are thinking of them? "Oh today I wore shoes because...uh...well because like... Katrina was bad..." Get the fuck out of here Shenae Grimes! I don't care if I still watch 90210 and you are incredible on it, this heart doesn't mean shit! The only way I'm respecting her for something of this nature is if she got sleevs. Granted, her good looks who go so far down the drain if she had sleeves, but at least it would actually be somewhat significant and more than just a way to further market her mediocrity. Sleeves or nothing.
Is it bad that the only thing I can write about is my inability to write about anything substantial? I think it's bad, especially considering I have about 8 million essays due tomorrow and I literally can't write anything besides my name in the top left corner. Yep, that's right, at this point I have such a writer's block that I can't even manage to get a date and title down on any of my essays. To be fair, who wants to write a 6 page essay analyzing why some Spanish girl can cook food that makes everyone want to fuck like turtles and catch on fire (it's called Like Water for Chocolate or some other bullshit about chocolate). It's probably the dumbest book I've ever watched a movie of. I would honestly rather watch a marathon of all Mary Kate and Ashley detective movies while being punched in the balls at the same time, that's how bad this movie is. The only redeeming quality of this movie/book is that there are a lot of boobs. That being said, they are pretty average-not-movie-quality boobs. The moral of this post is that if you ever have to watch some movie about chocolate and people on fire, tell your teacher you are sick and then go die so you won't have to not be able to write 5-6 pages on it. Or you could rant about how bad the movie is to get your creative juices flowing and turn your writer's block into a writer's...block. Yeah, this didn't help me one bit; I still have a writer's block. Fellow blog readers, it's been nice knowing you because I'm so fucking fucked for classes tomorrow. Night, night savages.
So after a week(ish) of some hardcore polling, the winner of this week(ish)'s "Who would you rather do?" is: scissor Natalie Portman with a total of 9 out of 20 votes. 20 votes? Really? That's all? Our blog has been veiwed nearly 1500 times and there were only 20 votes? C'mon now people let's do better next time. By the way, we all know which of our constant readers voted for the men's lax team... I'll be honest, I voted twice. At first I voted for pounding the women's basketball smokeshow and if you know who I'm talking about you know it would be legendary. But, then I caved because I am literally in love with Natalie Portman and scissoring her would be so romanic and emotional. I would defintiely cry afterwards out of happiness, after we parted ways of course, can't let a woman see you cry. I think I fell in love with her after Star Wars, she was so beautiful and adorable, but after seeing her in No Strings Attached, Black Swan, and Your Highness it just got so real. She is uncontrollably sexual and gorgeous in all of these movies, so I'm really glad she was able to pull out the small victory in this poll. She deserves it. Offense wins games, defense wins championships. NP<3forever.
P.S. - The new poll will be out tomorrow, so stay tuned and get your votes in!
P.P.S. - By womens basketball smokeshow I am obviously referring to Skylar Diggins................
2-9? This was not supposed to happen. Our ace is 0-3, we can't hit, we fucking suck. Here is the question: is it time to jump ship? I say yes, trade papelbon, unload buckholtz, get crawford the fuck out of town. time to start thinking about next year. No, I am just kidding (but not really about crawford) we are 11 games in, and the orioles are leading the AL east, and we are in last place. this is a bizarro world we are living in. But dont worry gents, dice-k is looking good. We should be all set.
Ahh boat shoes. One of lifes little treasures. Simple yet incredibly sophisticated. The best part about boat shoes is that they can be worn anytime, anywhere. Want to wear them in the winter with socks? No problem sir. Throw on a pair of long slacks to cover the socks and go about your day looking hentle as fuck. Summertime, Coronas on the porch with Poppa Muresan? You know both of us are rocking the fuck out of some top-siders. Sperrys, Sebago, Columbia, St. John's Bay. Which brand? Who gives a fuck, good brand, bad brand, its like pizza baby! Its good no matter what!
Quick facts about boat shoes:
-Allen Iverson once forgot his basketball shoes to a high school basketball game. He wore boat shoes instead and recorded his first quadruple double.
- The US Constitution was signed entirely by men wearing boat shoes. They said it was because they "wouldn't have been able to sign if it weren't for the boat shoes. They were just so comfortable and fitting".
- Jimmy V gave his infamous 1993 ESPY speech in boat shoes. He stated that although it was a formal event, he "enjoys being a little wild, but tame at the same time."
- Herb Brooks wore boat shoes to his USA hockey team's win over the USSR in the 1980 Olympic semifinals. AKA Miracle on Ice. AKA Miracle on the Feet of Herb Brooks.
- Gus Johnson wears boat shoes every game he broadcasts saying that boat shoes give him the ability to be comfortable with himself enough to be an enthusiastic energy in front of millions of viewers.
- Boat shoes were founded by the Dos Equis guy when he was stranded on a deserted island and forced to string together sea turtles to get back to shore. Looking for something that could cover his feet and not be ruined by the seawater, he killed a buffalo and used its hide to create the first ever pair of boat shoes.
Anybody who ever compares boat shoes to loafers deserves a swift boat shoe kick to the face. Its like comparing Mila Kunis to the fat kid from What's Happening. One is sporty and fun and you want to be seen with, the other one you just want to bash in the head with a five iron.
PS: Another great thing about boat shoes is that they go great with a finished basement. Its like cotton and candy, really.
So Gheorge was at the Mac Miller/Wiz Khalifa concert at URI last night. I didn't touch a blunt but still got high as a kite. It was pretty solid, but the entire time I was thinking about one thing only: how can I become part of an entourage? It has to be the best gig ever right? You roll around from place to place with your best friends. You don't pay for anything. The smokes that want to fuck the lead guy will still settle for his wingman. You get fucked up every show. Sure the spotlight is never on you, but you're still up there on stage just jammin out. And the best part is you got no responsibility. If the lead guy sucks its not your fault. You don't got to create lyrics. You don't get bashed. So I want to know how I get into this business. Find lyrically gifted friends? Make an unbreakable pact with kindergarten children that they'll put me in their entourage if they make it big one day?
PS: I would definitely be that guy in the picture. Just grabbin my buddy and throwing him around. Pretty much make it a two man act.
So Chobani's been on the market for years now but i feel like it doesnt get what it deserves. Just because theres no ads this unbelievable yogurt get so underplayed. This yogurt is the best on the planet. period. No if ands or buts. Dont gimme this "ah man go-gurt was sick!" or "trix bro". Go take it up the ass. Literally chobani kicks all those other yogurts asses. Like the company motto, "Nothing but good". Thats it. Great Taste and Protein. Its literally a great tasting cup of protein. 14 grams? thats more than a fuckin cliff bar. Its got protein but is tasty, its thick yet smooth, and oh yah theres a bunch of protein. I guarentee your go-gurt didnt even have 5 grams. Go buy some chobani if you wanna get better
Ill keep this short and sweet. Its Masters week, and anybody who says Tiger is done, is just a fucking idiot. He is winning this week, and the best part about it is hes divorced, so he can bang as many smuts as he wants with a clear conscience. So for all you idiots out there saying hes never gonna win a major again. Go fuck yourself.
It seems like every single time a group of bros watches a women college basketball game the question of "yo bro, say I was out there, what would my numbers be." In this group of bros, you got the kid who says "Id put up 40, 26 boards and 15 dimes, easy." Then you have that other kid who says "Well these girls are in really good shape, i dunno, id probably score 8 points and get a few rebounds." Well gents, I am here to put this argument to rest. I'am going to give 3 scenarios, for 3 different types of basketball players. First is James Peterson, kids kind of a stud when it comes to basketball, can shoot lights out, take the ball to the rack, pretty much does it all. not to mention hes about 6'0 which would make him a monster in womens basketball. His line would be 34 points, 16 rebounds and 8 assists. Kid would stick his dick in the hoop like 9 times during the game. Next is myself, not a bad player, can shoot the trey, not the tallest dude on the court but I can play. My line, 22 points 9 boards and 12 dimes (id pretty much be skylar diggins out there). Lastly, is Ham Sandwhich. Ham sandwhich can rebound, and play some D, thats about it. His line in a womens basketball game, 16 points, 27 rebounds, 6 assists, 4 blocks, 5 steals, 10 turnovers. In conclusion, men are supperior to women. In every aspect of athletics. If Danielle Adams can score 30 points in the national championship, so can 80% of the male population.
Tuesday night around 8 o'clock on FOX could be considered a strong candidate for highlight of my week. One of the best shows on tv and easily the best Tuesday night show. No one wants to watch the 800th re-run of America's Funniest Home Videos. Oh, wow! That dude just got hit in the balls by his daughter's bicycle... never seen that one before... 8pm on Tuesday would be Glee. I know about 3/5 of the writers on this blog are gonna call me out and come at my head for this, but I don't care. Last night sucked without Glee. Didn't see Dianna Agron, which means I was soft (sexual innuendo) and didn't see Blaine lay merk to the musical community, which also means I did not visit the iTunes music store. Say what you want about Glee, but it is incredible. Don't tell me for one second you wouldn't want to be on stage with a killer voice, a sick part in your hair, and rocking a blue blazer with red trim! You're a lier if you wouldn't want that. Most dudes don't watch cause they think it's gay without ever watching...??? Alright man, ask Zac Efron how gay he was when he pounded the shit out of Vanessa Hudgens. I've literally had about 7 girls say they were wet after seeing Darren Criss (Blaine) perform on anything on Glee and about 5 of them said they would let him put it in their butt. So suck on that all you dudes that think you're cool for calling Glee gay. Without Glee, Tuesday night tv is terrible (unless you throw on some late night HBO). Don't judge a book by it's cover. Few regginalds are gentle.
If you've been living under a rock, NKOTBSB is a combination of New Kid's on the Block and the Backstreet Boys and both groups are making there long awaited return to the music industry. They shocked the world at the AMA's in 2010 and are now coming out with hits, just doing what they do. Hide ya daughters, hide ya girlfriends because these guys can make the iciest of icy chicks melt hard. Like it isnt even a question whether or not these guys are on the radio nonstop, its just a question when it will happen. Get ready people, it's about that time for a boy band revolution!
So the infamous question, who would ya rather be? Two coveted positions in sports, the bullpen catcher vs the backup quarterback. Both positions are known for there ability to chill with the professional athletes all while not having to do any actual work. One popular argument is to always go baseball over football because its so much more fun to hang out in the sun spitting seeds and cleaning your enframes. Valid. Baseball by nature is a chill sport, and here we celebrate chill stuff. But heres the flaw with the bullpen catcher, he's not really considered on the team. Granted at no point will he ever be called upon to play, but he isnt getting the spotlight, pussy, or pay the pretty boy backup qb's get. The backup quarterback still rolls with the team entourage, pounds box, and gets recognized at the local sportsbar. The bullpen catcher will never experience these wonderful things. The other advantage the backup qb gets is that tom brady, matt cassell, or caleb haney type moment that people dream about. When the starting qb even gets touched hard the camera always finds the shithead backup. And even if he goes in , who gives a fuck if he fucks up? Most fans have already given up the game at that point. The media nevers comes hard at the backup....It will all be talk about how the starter got hurt. And what if the backup goes in and balls out? ... The answer is so much box in his face that his head will spin. So im putting the backup qb spot in a close win over the bullpen catcher as my #1 job in sports.
And P.S who wants their job description to be "Squats down and gets balls thrown at him"
So after Notre Dame's elephantitis upset of the UConn women's team, apparently this broad Skylar Diggins on ND became the most searched person on the web. I guess Lil Wayne and Chris Brown hit her up on twitter (pun absolutely intended) and were being all sexual and whatnot. Weezy like called her his wife, etc, etc. So the big question all of us are wondering: whats the deal? She had a big night but c'mon, were still talking about women's basketball. The same basketball that is talent-wise slightly below men's intramural B-leagues and slightly higher than the YMCA's Fun Friday League. There's not a chance Weezy was watching the semifinal game. So I've come to two conclusions:
1. Weezy knocked Diggins up back in high school, hasn't said a word to her since, now he's trying to make amends.
2. Skylar Diggins is *gasp* hot?
I just can't see #2 happening. Don't see it at all. Maybe it's me. I'll take my chances with Weezy pillaged that back in high school any day of the week over the latter.
So yahoo news reported today that the ozone layer over the artic has depleted at an all time high rate over the past year, increasing the ever-threating risk, I mean reward of global warming. Soon you won't even need one of these goofy ass suits to swim in the arctic, Ill be down there killing it a bathing suit and a tank by the end of the year. I mean I guess I just have to ask for things to get done and they get done. Good work people I ask you to pollute and make the world a better warmer place and the shit just happens a week after I post. Next I am going to need all the able bodied good looking smuts to deal out pj's on an hourly basis.
It seems like you can't go a couple of weeks in the NBA without someone coming at Gasols head. Congrats Pau, you got two rings and are an accomplished NBA star. But you know what Pau, welcome to America bro! Welcome to this beautiful country we live in. We don't care your about your credentials because if you look or play a little different then us we are going to ridicule you for it. The brash players in the NBA refuse to accept some euro fruitcake running around on our courts even if he is successful. The fact is you look like a fairy and you flop like a little girl. Get em Amare!!
To all those people that doubted us: fuck you! We created this blog pretty much a day ago and already have 613 people drooling over everything we write. Either we are all ridiculously cool people and everyone looks at the links on our Facebook statuses or we are all ridiculously cool people and everyone looks at the links on our Facebook statuses. There is a sexy volleyball player that has a blog about her sex life, including how hard she takes it from behind and whether or not she swallows. How many page views do you think she has?... 45! So suck it. This accolade just proves how much more gentle we are than you. Watch out bloggers, we're head hunting!
So as many of you know it was Wesley's birthday last weekend and he did, in fact, spend almost $200 on alcohol. Really over did it. Probably drank about $50 of it, including the people he shared with. In reference to Gheorghe's post, Wesley's quest for birthday pound town showed so much promise at first, but ended up pretty damn unsuccessful. It's cool though half the battle is planting seeds, and with that $200 dollars Wes will be growing apple and orange trees in no time. The weekend as a whole was a success, though. If you didn't get shitty and almost ruin at least 5 friendships then you're just soft as truck. The fact that Wesley is updating you all on his own weekend status, on Tuesday, pretty much sums it up on its own. Wes will take getting rusted with a couple of bros and winning $100 in a bracket challenge any day over getting piped. No he won't, but you get the point. It was a very good weekend despite Gheorghe taking some personal shots at him. Be sure to ask Gheorghe how much of that alcohol he had after his post (NONE! Fucker!)
No matter how bad the ncaa tournament ends up being (this year), no matter how shitty your bracket turns out to be (this year), and no matter how terribly awful and impossible to watch the national championship is (this year), there is always one thing you can count on...the One Shining Moment montage. Dave Barret's emotional song that was debued after the famous 1987 national championship where Keith Smart won Indiana a national championship has been transformed into a tradition that always seems to give you goose bumps. Now Luther Vandross kills it like he does everything else. Whether it was Danny and the miracles blubbering in '88 or Mateen Cleaves crying like a baby in 2000, One Shining Moment always knows how to make a grown black man cry. This years version end up being no different.
No. Butler lost. Second straight year the slipper doesn't fit. Just a gross game. Bro University's B League intramural final was slightly more interesting. End of blog.
So today is Bro University incoming student open house? I don't know what it is. All I know is that it's a bunch of overachieving egotistical resume building nerds leading kids around campus telling them about all their wonderful college experiences, half of which are bullshit, all of which are G-rated. "This one time I woke up at 7:48 for an 8 o'clock exam! But don't worry I still got there on time! Smiley!" Fuck that shit. I want to hear the good stuff. Just once I wanted a tour guide to be like "See that park bench right there. I've fucked two Spaniards on it." "See that wooded clearing over there? Blunts fo' days." Maybe its not something that the folks want to hear, but once a kid hears that, all he's thinking is here we go.
If I could go back and redo my college decision process, I would go about it a whole new way. Hit up facebook, go to the [College] Class of 2013 group and check out the smokes we're working with. Default pics, profile pics, whatever you can get.
PS - Legit just heard a tour guide say "The campus' favorite event to do is Bingo!" Um....no I would say the favorite campus activity is getting hammered, getting Ronzios and rollin one up.
So big Wes P. just dropped 200 bills on booze. Birthday weekend shenanigans and whatnot. The big question remains: will this outrageous beverage bill grant Wesley Pipes the ability to lay pipe tonight? Will some innocent freshman female be taken advantage of in the wee hours of the nighttime? I may be doing live look-ins throughout the evening on Wesley's status. Stay tuned folks, this ones gonna be a wild one.
At this point Im saying Fuck Al Gore and all his global warming bullshit. Honestly its about to be April 1st and were getting a fresh batch of snow up in the northeast. Are you shitting me? The fifteen feet we already got wasn't enough? I mean you gotta be fisting me right? So what I'm proposing is more littering and more emissions from every able bodied individual until we're living in a paradise where its consistently 85 degrees, no more of this snow bullshit. Global Warming cannot come fast enough. I mean seriously, we wont be here when the shit really hits the fan so who gives a shit. Till then I'm off to the equator so I can get some real spring weather. Get with it or get lost people.
P.S. Everyone who says theyd rather suffer another long as winter than have some beautiful 85 degree weather due to pollution is damn liar.
P.P.S. Snow can be allowed on Christmas and that is about it.
Yahoo - Before the final buzzer sounded last Sunday, 99.9 percent of amateur bracketologists across the globe had already torched their brackets. For the first time in the history of the Big Dance no No. 1 or No. 2 seeds had advanced to the Final Four. The rash of unpredictable upsets made many entries appear slashed and bloodied, leaving a bitter taste in mouths of optimistic prognosticators who two weeks earlier were supremely confident they had submitted a winner.Unbeknown to many of the approximately 300 students at Jefferson High School outside Salem, Ore., is a humble librarian with unmatched basketball foresight. Not only a master of the Dewey Decimal System and moves on the pitch — she also coaches girls soccer — Diana Inch is the only person in the entire Yahoo! universe to accurately predict all four Final Four teams, an almost impossible task this year.
So browsing around on yahoo today and I stumbled along an all too popular story that seems to come around at this same time every year. With a caption reading:
[insert below average paying job here] correctly picks a near perfect bracket!
Okay, the bitch supposedly picked the final four teams. But you know how a smart guy like me was able to see right through the lie that is this whole article?
- a humble librarian with unmatched basketball foresight - Newsflash. She's a librarian. A female librarian. This "unmatched basketball foresight could possible be the most untrue statement ever made.
- Diana hopes the increased exposure will draw much-needed attention to her cash-strapped school district, which you can help out, along with other distressed Oregon schools, here. - Really yahoo? Oregon got distressed schools? Bitch we all got distressed schools.
But undoubtably the best part of this whole article comes from a question asked by a reporter to her:
RA: Though it's never happened before in tournament history, you had three No. 16 seeds toppling Goliath (No. 1 seeds). Why?
Diana: DOGS: 16 Boston U Terriers (over Kansas), UNC Asheville Bulldogs (over Pitt) (also has a V in the name); BIRD vs. SEED 16 UTSA Roadrunners would eat seeds/buckeyes (Ohio St.).
She had three 16 seeds winning their opening round games. Yeah this chick really did her homework on this one.
So as many of you surely know, it's Wesley Pipe's Birthday today. If you havn't already wished him a good one then shame on you. Luckily for him his birthday lands on a big thursday. But here's the real question, what if it didn't? Obviously if your bday is on a thursday, friday, saturday, or sunday then its that weekend your wearing your tiara, getting shitty, and making bad decisions. But what if your bday lands on a monday night? .... a tuesday? or even a wednesday? Whens the big bday weekend? Is it the weekend prior to your birthday or is it the next weekend? What a dilemma. Personally, you look like an assclown either way. Scenario 1 - Celebrating your bday early. Scenario 2 - Celebrating your bday late. What's the point of getting shitty and saying its your birthday if your not turing 20 for another 96 hours? But then isnt celebrating your bday 96 hours late kinda pointlesss too? Hey man im sorry your bday was on a tuesday but no one want to cheer you on when you've been 20 for four days or the classic "hey how old are you now" ... " well i'll be 20 next wednesday" . No one wants to hear that. I've never seen someone 20 and four days get a pj from a 5. So my conclusion is if your bday doesnt land on a weekend, then just go fuck yourself. Seriously just go out to dinner on your tuesday night and when that next weekend rolls around just get a little buzzed and go to bed like everyone else because by that point your no different than the shmucks in 420. - Hammy
Well gents its about that time for the mlb season to start. Opening
day is today and needless to say all the baseball fans out there are
excited. On opening day everyones a playoff team and everyones in
first place. Clean slate, new beginning. Don't matter if your a
yankees fan or a pirates fan, on opening day everyone feels this is
their teams year to play in late october. I am going to give you my
predictions on where everyone will finish this year and who will win
the whole thing. Ill also give you the rest of the gentz world series
picks. So here we go:
AL East
1. Boston Red Sox
2. New York Yankees
3. Baltimore Orioles
4. Tampa Bay Rays
5. Toronto Blue Jays
-I am sure by now everyone has heard of all the acquisitions the Sox
have made this offseason. I just don't see this team winning less than
97 games with the lineup and rotation that they have this year. There
only question mark comes in their bullpen, and I am not sure Bobby
Jenks is the answer to their middle relief woes that they suffered
last year. But if your only questionmark is who's going to pitch the
7th and 8th, then I would say your living good.
AL Central
1. Detroit Tigers
2. Minnesota Twins
3. Chicago White Sox
4. Cleveland Indians
5. Kansas City Royals
-I love the Tigers this year. I think one of the better offseason moves any team made this year was the Tigers picking up Victor Martinez. Martinez is arguably the best offensive catcher in the game, and it does not even look like he is going to be behind the plate too much this year, which should boost his productivity even more. There big question is starting pitching. They have a certified horse in Justin Verlander as their ace. And if Brad Penny can win 14+ games for them, they should be in a good spot come playoff time.
AL West
1. Oakland Athletics
2. Los Angles Angels (Wild Card team)
3. Texas Rangers
4. Seattle Mariners
-Oakland should surprise some people this year. Trevor Cahill is a stud who is good for around 18-19 wins, and they picked up Josh Willingham, who isn't a team changer, but adds a solid bat to the middle of their order. This team was not far off last year, and I do not expect them to be far off at all this year. Look for the A's to win this division, with the Angels coming in a close 2nd, taking the American Leagues wild card spot.
NL East
1. Atlanta Braves
2. Philadelphia Phillies (Wild Card team)
3. New York Mets
4. Washington Nationals
5. Florida Marlins
-Here is my big surprise with my picks. Everyone is jumping hard on the Phillies bandwagon, well let me tell you this, not me. The Braves are really really good. There rotation is very solid with Derek Lowe and Tim Hudson, but their lineup is what really makes them a great team. Dan Uggla was their marquee pickup in the offseason and will bat 4th for them. With a lineup that consists of Nate Mclouth, Chipper Jones, Dan Uggla, Brian Mccann and Jason Hayward as your 2-6, I don't care whose in your division, your going to be pretty close to the top come october.
NL Central
1. Cincinnati Reds
2. Milwaukee Brewers
3. St Louis Cardinals
4. Chicago Cubs
5. Houston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
-The NL Central is uncharacteristically mediocre this year. I like the Reds pretty much by process of elimination. Edinson Volquez is good ace, and Bronson Arroyo is nice little 2 guy. They also have the NL MVP on their side which does not hurt. Look for Jay Bruce to have a breakout year this year. We are only 3 years removed from Bruce being the most highly touted prospect, he is due for a huge year.
NL West
1. San Francisco Giants
2. Los Angeles Dodgers
3. San Diego Padres
4. Colorado Rockies
5. Arizona Diamondbacks
-Last but not least, actually ya probably the least, the NL West. Although your World Series champs come from this division, that is really the only bright spot it has going for them. The Giants are good though. Probably the best pitcher in baseball anchors their rotation with the arguably best closer in the game Brian Wilson anchoring their bullpen. The Giants should win the west moderately easily.
World Series: Atlanta Braves OVER Boston Red Sox
-You heard it here first, the Atlanta Braves your 2011 World Series champs.
AL MVP: Miguel Cabrerra
NL MVP: Hanley Ramirez
AL Cy Young: Jon Lester
NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay
A Few Gents Picks:
Wesley Snipes:
World Series: Boston Red Sox OVER Pittsburgh Pirates
AL MVP: Jacoby Ellsbury
NL MVP: Sammy Sosa
AL Cy Young: Charlie Morton
NL Cy Young: Carlos Zambrano
James Peterson:
World Series: Boston Red Sox OVER St. Louis Cardinals
AL MVP: Adrien Gonzalez
NL MVP: Carlos Gonzalez
AL Cy Young: David Price
NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay
George Mursean:
World Series: Boston Red Sox OVER Philadelphia Phillies
AL MVP: Evan Longoria
NL MVP: Justin Upton
AL Cy Young: David Price
NL Cy Young: Cliff Lee
Ham Sandwhich:
World Series: Cincinnati Reds OVER Los Angeles Angles
AL MVP: Robinson Cano
NL MVP: Carlos Gonzalez
AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez
NL Cy Young: Edinson Volquez
Jabar
World Series: Yankees OVER Phillies
AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez
NL MVP: Troy Tulowitzki
AL Cy Young: C.C Sabathia
NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay
Remember back when the Sox started the season 2-10 and all those arrogant fucks that call themselves Yankees fans used to say "Sox are looking real good, huh?" and "They're done". And then you would read the blogs saying should we be worried and forums of unloyal fans throwing in the towel. Well fuck that noise. Those people have no understanding of the game. 162 games. The longest season out of any sport. You could lose your first 15 games and it still wouldn't be crazy to make the playoffs (does not apply for AL East teams). The season is so long, so much is going on, the best team will be on top at the end of the season. 
