My College Application

So the other day I was cleaning out miscellaneous crap from my bedroom and came across some college stuff. Just old recruiting brochures and other bullshit. Came across a few paper applications and made me think that the questions colleges ask are a terrible gauge of how qualified a student is for a college. What would George Muresan University's application look like you ask? Have no fear. This is exactly the questions would look like and specific answers that we're looking for:

George Muresan University Application 2011

Race (Always good to get this one right out of the way.)

Name

State of Birth (All acceptable except New York, New Jersey, and New Mexico. No fistpumping or illegals here.)

Have you ever seen an attractive female with short hair besides Halle Berry? (If yes, denied. No taste.)

Whats the best type of beer? (Keystone Light, Busch Lattes, Coors, Miller, Bud. Buy American or go home.)

40 time? (Anything higher than 5, denied. This is a university of training athletes.)

It is? (What it is. School motto.)

Kanye or Weezy? (Diversity.)

Last time you drank? (If not in the past 48 hours, forget it.)

Your buddy is passed out, face hanging in the toilet. You a.) tell an RA and transport your buddy so that he is safe or b.) Write on his face and steal his good food? (Obvious one.)

Words to live by? (Cashing checks and snapping necks. Anything of this sort works.)

You have an exam tomorrow. Do you spend all night in the library busting your ass studying all night or get drunk, stay up all night pounding KeithStones, head into your exam housed and banking on sitting next to a buddy that'll help you out. (GMU doesn't even have a library. The thirties are on us on nights like this.)

For girls only:

Have you ever been featured as a smokeshow of the day? (If yes, yes. If no, forget about it. A real deal breaker here.)

If you answered yes to the question above, do you know your way around the dick and will you fuck your professor for an A? (Not looking for no softies here.)

Essay:

Drunkest experience. Go.

And thats it. If you think you can make it, submit your application to Hall 11, room 141.