Still Worried?

Remember back when the Sox started the season 2-10 and all those arrogant fucks that call themselves Yankees fans used to say "Sox are looking real good, huh?" and "They're done". And then you would read the blogs saying should we be worried and forums of unloyal fans throwing in the towel. Well fuck that noise. Those people have no understanding of the game. 162 games. The longest season out of any sport. You could lose your first 15 games and it still wouldn't be crazy to make the playoffs (does not apply for AL East teams). The season is so long, so much is going on, the best team will be on top at the end of the season.

PS: Saltalamacchia, you can open your eyes now champ.

Finals Week

What the fuck is good with finals. You have 4 or 5 finals in a span of 4 or 5 days. You basically stay up all night looking at the same bullshit over and over pretending to learn it or care. And when you get the final, it doesn't matter how long or hard you studied, there's always one section worth more points than the others that you just plain didn't study. You got to remember little details like sargassums and control processes and current value formulas. And finals week always happens to be like the best fuckin week of the year. 85 and sunny, the SI Swimsuit girls are having a bakesale down the street, the liquor store is giving away kegs just for their own shits and giggles. But noooo, your stuck inside forcing yourself to pretend to care about bullshit that you will probably retain for the next 24 hours. Probably the worst week of the year. And then when your done, don't forget that they kick you right the fuck out. Like bro, I can't get one week here where I can just funnel Jaeger and be balls deep in some willing and mediocre freshman bitties and not having to worry about getting to that fucking 11 o'clock class that has mandatory attendance?

And then when you are leaving, it's always awkward as fuck. Who do you say bye to? Do you say bye to your tutor who got you through Stats but had that funny smell to him but at the same time could be useful in the future? Do you say bye to the quiet kid who lives next door who guest passed you into lunch a couple times? Its like fuck. I could never be seeing some of these people ever again, but do I give a fuck? Probably not. So fuck goodbyes. And fuck finals week.

Is John Mayer the Biggest Bro of All-Time?.......Yes

I know what you're all thinking right now... "holy shit James where the fuck have you been?". Yeah yeah yeah Wesley has been all over my ass, no homo, for however long its been to write another post and I'll tell you what I told him. Lick my taint I'm not forcing a blog post about bullshit. Guess what though I'm back now and I'm back with amotherfuckinvengeance, yeah that's right making up new words and shit.

Alright so lets get down to the reason while I'm really here. For centuries the question of Who Is the Biggest Bro of All-Time? has been debated by anyone and everyone. If you've ever used the word bro then you've had this debate, fact. Well I'm here with the answer and its plain and simple, clear as crystal, black and white. John Mayer is the one and only answer for about 97.3 trillion reasons only a few of which I have the time to write about.

First of all, have you ever heard the guy play guitar? Dude is probably the single greatest guitarist of all time. Ask anyone the one talent they wish they had and I guarantee other than being able to dunk a basketball the majority of men who listen to music will respond, play the guitar. You don't win 7 Grammies by accident I mean c'mon dude is probably the best singer song writer of the last thirty years as well. Music is perfect for all occasions, you're trying to bro out? oh throw on some Mayer, you're trying to get your dick wet? oh throw on some Mayer. The fact is once he picks up a guitar there is a local flood warning, every girl who sees him sing or play instantly becomes puddle pants. If you're not a fan of his music, fuck you, you're dumb its that simple. However, all his musical talents and successes aside he has gotten his dick wet from some of the hottest women walking the planet. Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Jessica Simpson (when she was a smoke), Minka Kelly, Jennifer Aniston and Taylor Swift. That's probably one of the single best celebrity smoke lists ever put together by a single human being and hes been inside all of them there is no doubt about it and those are just the notable celebrities he has been with. I mean normal everyday groupies who aren't making movies and what not I'd estimates he has probably slayed like 453 easy. I mean anyway you look at it he's the fuckin man there is no doubt about it. It's like the old saying men want to be him and women want to sit on his face, or something like that

P.S. How many computers do you think I ruined with that picture up top. I mean any female who looked at it probably got all hot and bothered and went wet all over her computer. Mayer is a walking pussy flood warning, look it up its in the encyclopedia.

P.P.S. Greatest Performance of all time with 2 of the greatest solos of all time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAHeL-W9x9Y

Mallett's In the House

After a huge controversial draft for Bill theres a lotta fans wondering what he was doing. Bellichick had a lot of quesitonable picks but Ryan Mallett was by far the most talked about. He's taken some heat and I don't know why. How can you not like this guy? Hes got hero written all over him. Just an absolute thug. Hes gunna learn behind Brady for atleast 3 years and just pound girls in Boston. Hes got a big time arm taboot. So all you Brady haters out there coming at his long hair, model lifestyle and gay dancing, have no fear because "Big Dick" Malletts here to stay.

Wait, what?

What the fuck just happened? "it is also the time when all the losers and ugly girls think it's approipriate to join together and play 5 year old GAYmes in the middle of campus"? Whats up dude? Cause I'm pretty sure thats the opposite of what happens. Spring weekend to me is defined by bitches in yellow sun dresses, brolific bro's play cornhole, crushin Buschy Latte's and some Keith. To be honest I'm borderline hammered typin this bad boy up right now. Me, Jimmy Peterson, Slam Sandwich, and Fanny Almonte were just grillin with half the campus. Bitties on bitties. The people are confused! But don't worry all, Gheorge Muresan is here to set the record straight: GET THE FUCK OUTSIDE AND PLAY KANJAM. If your not playin lawn games while the suns out then your not gettin better, end of story.

PS: Girls get all hot and bothered when they see a great cornhole player.

Double PS: Barry Latham loves Beantown and Coronas. We have witnesses.

Spring Weekend... Get It

     There comes a time during the school year when the weather gets warmer, the sun gets brighter, and the girls get hotter. Spring. Weekend.  But, as awesome as spring weekend is and how cool it is that it's when all the smuts finally come back to school, it is also the time when all the losers and ugly girls think it's appropriate to join together and play 5 year old GAYmes in the middle of campus. Simply put, if you are outside frolicking in the sun before 4 pm then you are either a member of greek life or a loser, but I guess in both cases you are a loser anyways.  Before 4 you should be inside drinking some beers, playing sports video games that are based outside and getting blowjenskis (unless you're a girl, then you should be giving them).  And what the hell is this stupid frisbee game I've been seeing for the past week?  Literally every time I look out my window some scrubs are throwing the frisbee at a trash can 10 feet away from them... AND MISSING! I could make that shot with my dick and I can barely throw a frisbee.  It is by far the lamest thing I have seen all school year, worse then the Bryant News channel and Bryant Albert Einstein.  Oh sick dude, let's wear cargo shorts, training shoes with no midcalfs, a band shirt and have a couple 3s watch while we attempt to be cool.  Anyways, it's Spring Weekend here at Bro U so consider this weekend our vacation. See you hhhents in a few...

It's Finally Here!!

Well it's finally here guys. The biggest week of the year at Bryant. SPRING WEEK. Grab a basketball jersey, a red cup, and some shades. People going out every night of the week and people day drinking is the perfect medicine for disaster. If there aren't 20 people transported this week then I'm a pussy. Just literal pandemonium this weekend. DPS isnt stopping anyone this week. They just can't handle it. No one has any work to do and has plenty of booze. Buckle up and be a fuckin hero this week.

Spring Week '11 "Get pussy or be a pussy"

Quote of the Week - Torii Hunter

"People see dark faces out there, and the perception is that they're African-American. They're not us. They're impostors. Even people I know come up and say: 'Hey, what color is Vladimir Guerrero? Is he a black player?' I say, 'Come on, he's Dominican. He's not black.' As African-American players, we have a theory that baseball can go get an imitator and pass them off as us. It's like they had to get some kind of dark faces, so they go to the Dominican or Venezuela because you can get them cheaper. It's like, 'Why should I get this kid from the South Side of Chicago and have Scott Boras represent him and pay him $5 million when you can get a Dominican guy for a bag of chips?' ... I'm telling you, it's sad."

A new segment Gheorge Muresan will be bringing you on IATT will be called Quote of the Week. And while I know this quote from Hunter is over a year old, I thought it was only fitting to make the inaugural quote of the week from the best wall-climber in baseball.

Now onto the quote. First of all, is there any way we can get Torii Hunter on this blog? Because if you read between the lines, you can see there is a great blogger fighting to get out. I mean the Dominican's going rate is a bag of chips? I mean this would have been comparable to MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech had he only specified what kind. Sun Chips? Lays? Because everybody knows there is a massive difference between Fritos BBQ Twists and Shaws-brand Salt and Vinegar. But seriously, though, Hunter has a point here. I hate when Albinos step on the field and people automatically assume they're Irish. Agents picking them up for a stick of beef jerky instead of picking up a talented potato farmer and paying them the $5 M they deserve. They're imposters I tell ya, imposters!

Happy Easter

Crush some chocalate, glaze a little ham, and hunt eggs. Happy Easter fellas.

BREAKING NEWS: Marshall Stabbed by His Wife

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=6414256

Brandon was rushed to the hospital today and had surgery performed because his wife stabbed him. Some easter weekend huh? I think the best part about this story is that he said he fell on some glass. What a hero. The bitch puts him in the hospital and he lies to cover it up. Just kinda lying through his teeth so he wont have to file some papers. Brandon Marshall, your OK in my book. Snitches get Stitches.

When is it okay drop a huge F-bomb in front of your folks?

Here's the situation: me and Poppa Muresan are currently sharing some brews watching the Celts and Knicks in the playoffs. I'm really trying to enjoy the game, but I find myself not being able to enjoy it as if I were watching it with a couple of my buddies. And the big reason is because one of the great parts of watching a big game with friends is because everybody is getting rowdy and screaming obscenities at that bitch Carmelo. So what I want to know is if this game comes down to the wire and a call doesnt go our way, can I drop a "Mother Fucker!" right in my dad's eyeball and have him understand? I mean were not even talking about the regular season, we talkin about playoffs. And if its not okay how long must I wait? Because you know its going to be a great day when I finally can call the ref a cunt-snatch and have pop be cool with it. One step above graduation day, one step below my first blowjob. I mean is there like a timeline for this stuff. Wheres the green light? I guess I gotta try it tonight and see how it goes. Wish me luck because if this doesn't go the way I plan then I could be looking at a lot less Bulldog Bucks next year.

Are you Smushing a Slim Snooki?

http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/nicole-polizzi/snooki-slims-down-summer-499290

So basically according to this article Snooki's been hitting the gym hard the past couple of months and is now "slim". The pic on the left is the before and the pic on the right is the after. So I pose this question: Are you trying to smash the new and improved snooks? I mean its all fun and games when snooki's a beefcake to write her off. " Awww man shes gross. Her face is iight, but shes fat" . But now shes got a hard body? C'mon man. I think shes fair game as long as shes "slim" . Her face has always been pretty nice and shes got phenominal skin tone. Thats tough to pass up. I aint saying shes a hottie overload but she looks pretty hot now. I'l probably be hard at Karma this summer looking for Snookie a little soft from the SoCo. And thats kinda the beauty of it, she was a beefcake so her standards are kinda low. Shes not like a normal celebrity where she'd be impossible to smash. So you heard it here 1st fellas, Snooks is now smushable. Good Luck to all of yall on the chase!

BREAKING NEWS: Dustin from the Real World is gay

Huffington Post: "Dustin Zito of "Real World: Las Vegas" is straight. That's no secret. What is, however, is his gay porn past. The 24-year old Louisiana native comes from a rough background, and to escape, he headed to Los Angeles. There, he got involved a website called FratPad, which used streaming video cameras to document attractive young men living together. And often times, do much more than just hang out.It's a secret he's thus far kept from his roommates, and in Wednesday's premiere episode, he even hooked up with a (female) cast member named Heather."


Well everybody. I told you. Its that simple, I fucking told you. If you watched the real world last night you saw the preview for next weeks episode in which Dustin pretty much comes out of the closet. Wait a second, hes not gay? He just did gay porn? Nice try Zito, you almost got me there. Actually on second thought you didn't, because you dont do gay porn and still say your straight because that's not real life. I call it how I see it and I saw a homo, and what do you know? The guy is a homo. To all you jerks who had his back saying "Dude Dustin fucks Heather, he's the man, he's so cool". In. Your. Face. Call him bi-sexual if you want, but ill leave you with this. Half homo, full homo.

The age old question: How drunk do you have to be for you to be transported?

So gents and sluts, I was thinking today, how fucking drunk do I or one of my bros have to be to get transported. I thought about it for about 2 seconds and came up with the obvious answer. I'll die of alcohol poisoning before I let myself get taken out in a fucking stretcher and put in the back of an ambulance. Like seriously, thats got to be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to someone ever, not to mention it cost about 3 bagillion dollars in ambulance fees or whatever. How big of a piece of shit do you feel getting taken out on a stretcher? especially since you know there are gonna be around 8-12 shitheads standing by to see what ass hole couldn't handle their liquor (rightfully so). Therefore, if iam puking jager and blood, stick my head in the toilet and drown me, no way on earth are you getting me in the back of an ambulance. On the other side of the spectrum, how drunk does your bro have to be for you to muster up the courage to call dps and get him transported? Here is where it gets tricky, cause if something really bad ends up happening to the kid, its kinda on you. My opinion still does not change. You could beg and plead to me while your puking your brains out that you want me to call your mommy or get an RA, but you know what? No. Because tomorrow when your sippin some gingerale and munchin saltines your gonna say to me, "bro, why the fuck did you get me transported? i was fine, i just had a little fever" So guess what, the answer is simple, no bro should ever get transported, ever. In the case of a smut, the first sign of them puking, ill press 1 on my speed dial and have dps there in a snap of the finger to take them to the nearest hospital. Unless ofcourse they are conscious, in which you then just take advantage of them.

My College Application

So the other day I was cleaning out miscellaneous crap from my bedroom and came across some college stuff. Just old recruiting brochures and other bullshit. Came across a few paper applications and made me think that the questions colleges ask are a terrible gauge of how qualified a student is for a college. What would George Muresan University's application look like you ask? Have no fear. This is exactly the questions would look like and specific answers that we're looking for:

George Muresan University Application 2011

Race (Always good to get this one right out of the way.)

Name

State of Birth (All acceptable except New York, New Jersey, and New Mexico. No fistpumping or illegals here.)

Have you ever seen an attractive female with short hair besides Halle Berry? (If yes, denied. No taste.)

Whats the best type of beer? (Keystone Light, Busch Lattes, Coors, Miller, Bud. Buy American or go home.)

40 time? (Anything higher than 5, denied. This is a university of training athletes.)

It is? (What it is. School motto.)

Kanye or Weezy? (Diversity.)

Last time you drank? (If not in the past 48 hours, forget it.)

Your buddy is passed out, face hanging in the toilet. You a.) tell an RA and transport your buddy so that he is safe or b.) Write on his face and steal his good food? (Obvious one.)

Words to live by? (Cashing checks and snapping necks. Anything of this sort works.)

You have an exam tomorrow. Do you spend all night in the library busting your ass studying all night or get drunk, stay up all night pounding KeithStones, head into your exam housed and banking on sitting next to a buddy that'll help you out. (GMU doesn't even have a library. The thirties are on us on nights like this.)

For girls only:

Have you ever been featured as a smokeshow of the day? (If yes, yes. If no, forget about it. A real deal breaker here.)

If you answered yes to the question above, do you know your way around the dick and will you fuck your professor for an A? (Not looking for no softies here.)

Essay:

Drunkest experience. Go.

And thats it. If you think you can make it, submit your application to Hall 11, room 141.

Does Watching Movies on the 2 Minute Walk to Class Get You Laid?

So I was strolling to class today walking behind some bro when I noticed that he was looking at his iPod, occasionally stolling off the path onto geese shit infested grass. It wasn't until I heard him literally laugh out loud that I realized he was watching a movie....ON THE FUCKING TWO MINUTE WALK TO CLASS. The best part about it was that he was positively certain that it was the coolest thing to do. Like occasionally looking up to see if anybody he knew was walking the opposite way so he could let out a little chuckle when they got close. Just so they would know that he had uploaded Star Wars IV onto his pod. Whatever the movie was, the bastard was fucking loving it, letting out numerous chuckles. By the time we got into the unistructure I was pretty much craning my fucking neck to find out what all the hilariousness was about. Goddam characters watching movies on the way to class, get the fuck off my campus.

When celebrities think they are doing something significant...

      You see that little black heart thing Shenae Grimes has under her eye?  Apparently it is a temporary tattoo she has had for the past few weeks or something and it's supposed to represent how much she cares for Japan right now.  Bullshit.  Who does she think she is walking around thinking she's thoughtful by getting a TEMPORARY tattoo of a miniature heart under her eye?  This is the real deal: celebrities say they are doing something out of the ordinary for a cause, but in reality it does nothing to help anyone or anything except their own image. How about you take your C list celebrity money and actually give it to Japan instead of making a fashion statement and saying it means you are thinking of them? "Oh today I wore shoes because...uh...well because like... Katrina was bad..."  Get the fuck out of here Shenae Grimes! I don't care if I still watch 90210 and you are incredible on it, this heart doesn't mean shit! The only way I'm respecting her for something of this nature is if she got sleevs. Granted, her good looks who go so far down the drain if she had sleeves, but at least it would actually be somewhat significant and more than just a way to further market her mediocrity.  Sleeves or nothing.

VOTE ON THE NEW POLL

Writer's Block

       Is it bad that the only thing I can write about is my inability to write about anything substantial? I think it's bad, especially considering I have about 8 million essays due tomorrow and I literally can't write anything besides my name in the top left corner. Yep, that's right, at this point I have such a writer's block that I can't even manage to get a date and title down on any of my essays. To be fair, who wants to write a 6 page essay analyzing why some Spanish girl can cook food that makes everyone want to fuck like turtles and catch on fire (it's called Like Water for Chocolate or some other bullshit about chocolate). It's probably the dumbest book I've ever watched a movie of. I would honestly rather watch a marathon of all Mary Kate and Ashley detective movies while being punched in the balls at the same time, that's how bad this movie is. The only redeeming quality of this movie/book is that there are a lot of boobs. That being said, they are pretty average-not-movie-quality boobs. The moral of this post is that if you ever have to watch some movie about chocolate and people on fire, tell your teacher you are sick and then go die so you won't have to not be able to write 5-6 pages on it. Or you could rant about how bad the movie is to get your creative juices flowing and turn your writer's block into a writer's...block. Yeah, this didn't help me one bit; I still have a writer's block. Fellow blog readers, it's been nice knowing you because I'm so fucking fucked for classes tomorrow. Night, night savages.

P.S.- Vote on the new poll! --->

Who would you rather do? Results

      So after a week(ish) of some hardcore polling, the winner of this week(ish)'s "Who would you rather do?" is: scissor Natalie Portman with a total of 9 out of 20 votes.  20 votes? Really? That's all? Our blog has been veiwed nearly 1500 times and there were only 20 votes? C'mon now people let's do better next time.  By the way, we all know which of our constant readers voted for the men's lax team...  I'll be honest, I voted twice. At first I voted for pounding the women's basketball smokeshow and if you know who I'm talking about you know it would be legendary. But, then I caved because I am literally in love with Natalie Portman and scissoring her would be so romanic and emotional.  I would defintiely cry afterwards out of happiness, after we parted ways of course, can't let a woman see you cry.  I think I fell in love with her after Star Wars, she was so beautiful and adorable, but after seeing her in No Strings Attached, Black Swan, and Your Highness it just got so real.  She is uncontrollably sexual and gorgeous in all of these movies, so I'm really glad she was able to pull out the small victory in this poll.  She deserves it.  Offense wins games, defense wins championships.  NP<3forever.

P.S. - The new poll will be out tomorrow, so stay tuned and get your votes in!
P.P.S. - By womens basketball smokeshow I am obviously referring to Skylar Diggins................

Uh oh....

2-9? This was not supposed to happen. Our ace is 0-3, we can't hit, we fucking suck. Here is the question: is it time to jump ship? I say yes, trade papelbon, unload buckholtz, get crawford the fuck out of town. time to start thinking about next year. No, I am just kidding (but not really about crawford) we are 11 games in, and the orioles are leading the AL east, and we are in last place. this is a bizarro world we are living in. But dont worry gents, dice-k is looking good. We should be all set.