Modern Day Fantastic Four

As I was flippin through channels of mediocrity the other day, I stumbled across Jessica Alba flauntin what God gave her in the movie Fantastic Four. I began considering who would be suitable for an all athlete, manly as fuck, Fantastic Four today. Like if these guys ever walked into the bar at the same time, every guy there would instantly catch the gay because they are not worthy. Anyways here it is:

The Thing

Peyton Hillis - Ultimate strongman. Only has threesomes. Makes linebackers his bitch. Only eats tuna. Only drinks cranberry juice. Alpha Male. When he's not playing football he legit hunts wild boar.

The Human Torch

Justin Upton - Fits the role because he plays in the desert. Runs a 6.23 60. Is that good? Still lives with his brother and parents in Virginia. His dad is actually Muhammad Ali. Mom is secretly the hot mocha chick from the Statefarm commercial.

Invisible Man

Dontrelle Willis - Just gets no love, invisible to most. Sure he had an awesome 6-0 start with the Marlins a few years back, but since he's fallen off the face of the earth. But don't fret, Willis is still (leg) kickin with the Reds. Potential through the roof but unfortunately he was the laziest player to play the game.

Mr. Fantastic

David Price - Makes the mound his bitch. Crushes Hawaiian Punch. AL Allstar Starting pitcher. Voted Most likely to help a Grandma across a busy intersection by the league. CEO of David Sunflower Seeds. Just an all-around fantastic guy.