Man Essential Number Two: Boat Shoes

Ahh boat shoes. One of lifes little treasures. Simple yet incredibly sophisticated. The best part about boat shoes is that they can be worn anytime, anywhere. Want to wear them in the winter with socks? No problem sir. Throw on a pair of long slacks to cover the socks and go about your day looking hentle as fuck. Summertime, Coronas on the porch with Poppa Muresan? You know both of us are rocking the fuck out of some top-siders. Sperrys, Sebago, Columbia, St. John's Bay. Which brand? Who gives a fuck, good brand, bad brand, its like pizza baby! Its good no matter what!

Quick facts about boat shoes:

-Allen Iverson once forgot his basketball shoes to a high school basketball game. He wore boat shoes instead and recorded his first quadruple double.

- The US Constitution was signed entirely by men wearing boat shoes. They said it was because they "wouldn't have been able to sign if it weren't for the boat shoes. They were just so comfortable and fitting".

- Jimmy V gave his infamous 1993 ESPY speech in boat shoes. He stated that although it was a formal event, he "enjoys being a little wild, but tame at the same time."

- Herb Brooks wore boat shoes to his USA hockey team's win over the USSR in the 1980 Olympic semifinals. AKA Miracle on Ice. AKA Miracle on the Feet of Herb Brooks.

- Gus Johnson wears boat shoes every game he broadcasts saying that boat shoes give him the ability to be comfortable with himself enough to be an enthusiastic energy in front of millions of viewers.

- Boat shoes were founded by the Dos Equis guy when he was stranded on a deserted island and forced to string together sea turtles to get back to shore. Looking for something that could cover his feet and not be ruined by the seawater, he killed a buffalo and used its hide to create the first ever pair of boat shoes.

Anybody who ever compares boat shoes to loafers deserves a swift boat shoe kick to the face. Its like comparing Mila Kunis to the fat kid from What's Happening. One is sporty and fun and you want to be seen with, the other one you just want to bash in the head with a five iron.

PS: Another great thing about boat shoes is that they go great with a finished basement. Its like cotton and candy, really.

Anybody who ever compares boat shoes